Do you ever feel like you’re not good enough - no matter how hard you try? You keep striving to show yourself and others that you can do all of the things that you dream of doing but you somehow feel as though you are coming up just a little bit short. I feel that a critical part of finding serenity in our lives is not just being excited about our huge successes, but making friends with ourselves and having self-compassion when we didn’t quite hit the mark. It’s amazing to have goals, and it feels amazing to achieve them! But if I’ve learned anything this past few years, it’s that you have to learn to be ok when you’re not living up to your own expectations or even more so, someone else’s.
I recently finished a psychology course. I felt like a champion when I completed my final exam because even though I was extremely passionate about the topic, I found it very difficult to balance schoolwork with the demands of motherhood and working full time. I have done it many times, but this time it just felt more difficult for some unknown reason. So like I said, when I completed the course, I felt like a rockstar! Then I reviewed my final grade and didn’t quite feel as elated as I had the moment I walked out of my exam. I got an A-…
Now I know what you’re thinking, because I’ve already had my friends and family point it out. That is good! Better than good? It doesn’t feel like it. I’m used to applying myself and then getting my A. When I got my A, I could tell myself, "See! You’re awesome and you’re intelligent and intelligent means good”. This year, I feel as though the universe is trying to teach me something - again!
Here is what I believe it wants to teach me, because heaven knows that I need to get it eventually. It is stated in The Book of Joy that "Lasting happiness cannot be found in pursuit of any goal or achievement". We have to learn to be happy whether we get a C or an A+. Whether we succeed in reaching the goal of becoming a Lawyer or Doctor or neither. We have to ask ourselves, why does my self-worth seem to be so attached to the outcome? Is it because we are socialized that way? No matter what the answer; it’s ok! We tell our children, “all I care is that you try!”, and we have to start believing in our own advice. Try! Get out there and put your best foot forward. But if you get a B+ instead of an A, or worse yet, if you fail and you have to try again - it’s ok! Get up and try again. And know that even when you reach your goal, lasting happiness will not be found there. There are tons and tons of books out there about finding happiness and joy. Many religious leaders, authors and counsellors are trying to help people find the answer. The answer is in practicing the messy task of failing or falling short and being ok; then getting back and trying again. Like the clouds that clear and show the sunshine, your joy is there inside you already, you just have to find a way to move the clouds along regardless of external circumstances. They may stay a little longer than you want them to sometimes, but eventually, they always clear.
Is there something that you’ve tried recently and didn’t meet your mark? How did you overcome that feeling of disappointment? Feel free to share your experience in the comments below. I'd love to hear from you!
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