Already a few years into my healing and spiritual journey, I’d hit bottom again in October (from trying to do too much before I was ready - again - it’s truly a sickness), I listened to a talk by Gabrielle Bernstein. She mentioned an artist friend of hers, who was part of the music playlist at the yoga festival where she was speaking. I immediately searched for the artist as Gabby gave the spelling of her name, "Jai Jagdeesh". I listened to her as I did my meditation over the next few days and tears poured mercifully from my eyes as I released the trauma that was deep in my heart. Now if you’re reading this post, you may be someone who believes in synchronicity being part of a Divine plan. So you will know that what I am about to tell you was no coincidence. Only days after watching Gabby's talk, I was looking on the website of a local yoga studio at their events and came across a concert to be in Ottawa for the following week. I immediately asked a friend if she wanted to go as I often (ok always) have a hard time going somewhere alone for the first time. My insecurities hold me back. I make up a story in my head about not belonging or fitting in long before going and I make an excuse when the time comes that I can’t go. I’m hoping by the time you read this, I will have conditioned myself out of this habit. Nonetheless, this is almost what happened. My friend couldn’t go. When the day came, I repeated over and over to my husband that I really wanted to go. He gave me a push, gave me a way around all of the obstacles (aka excuses) that I claimed were in my path, and out the door I went.
When I arrived at the St Paul University Auditorium where the event was being held, I went into the washroom to find that Jai Jagdeesh was getting ready. I smiled and greeted her. At that moment, I wanted to talk to her but didn’t want to disturb her.
Her concert was absolutely life changing! I cried. I danced in my seat. I chanted with her. I smiled as others chanted and sang along. I tried to let go and feel the sound of serenity vibrate through my bones, hitting the very core of my heart and soul.
At the end of the concert, I drew on all of the courage I could find within myself and approached her. Although if I'm being fully honest, my body carried me there before I knew we were going. I was glad though, that I didn't go up the stairs instead of down, because I needed her to know how very deeply her music was appreciated as part of my healing. She held my arms, looked deep into my ocean blue eyes with her warm brown eyes and she hugged me. My body and my nerves betrayed me as I shook to be sharing such personal and vulnerable words. I wasn’t wearing any of my masks, I was allowing her to see my inner child. I feel so blessed to have met her and I so hope that our paths cross again.
What I can tell you from this experience my friend, is please do not let your insecurities hold you back from getting out and experiencing some of life’s most precious gifts. I will be ever grateful for this experience. I was enveloped in the sound of serenity and the vibration of this healing power stayed with me for days. Find your music, your sound of serenity, and allow it to cover you and hold you, like a mother holds a baby in a sweet soft blanket. Comforting, nurturing and healing.
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