The Middle way as a Path to Wellbeing

In some ways, at this very moment in time and in spite of some major challenges, I am finally living my best life. I feel authentic in my friendships and my parenting. I have future career goals that I’m working towards which feel realistic and wholehearted. I’m more comfortable in my own skin that I’ve been in a long time and I’m seeing improvements in both my emotional and physical strength. These are all improvements that I had started to think were not even possible.

The thing that is challenging, however, is remembering that the foundational habits that it took to heal to this point have become non-negotiable. They are critical for my ability to build and sustain resiliency. So when go through a busy time such as this, and I fall back into old patterns such as skipping meals, skipping that much needed yoga class or meditation, or saying “yes” when I know that the answer should be “no”, I experience dramatic setbacks in my ability to cope and a spike in anxiety. Seemingly overnight my medications, positive outlook, compassion for others and my yoga practice is not enough to compensate for the feelings of overwhelm. I find myself not wanting to add one more thing to the calendar and wanting to retreat for fear that I will snap at people and do harm to those wonderful relationships that fill my cup in so many ways.

So then how did I get off track so quickly? And how do I get back? It is not the first time that I have experienced a spike like this and over time, I have learned how to get myself back to balance more quickly than I ever had in the past. I bring myself back to balance through mindfully examining where I am and planning a course of action that can take me back a sense of wellbeing. It has been my experience, that wellbeing and balance come from what is referred to in Buddhism as The Middle Way. As you may already know, I have found a great deal of healing and comfort in the past from concepts that I have learned from not only the fields of psychology and social work but also spirituality, including yoga philosophy and Buddhism. A great number of Buddhist principles have opened my eyes to not only how universal the experience of pain and suffering are but also how I may have contributed to maintaining that as my experience long after necessary.

So what is The Middle way? In my perspective, it is walking that fine line in life between self-discipline and self-care. Too lax and inactive leads me to depression and feelings of isolation. Muscles atrophy, my nutrition suffers and I become rather dull in my daily life. Too strict in the attainment of my goals (even wellness goals such journaling, self-reflection, healthy eating, exercise) and I become exhausted, anxious, frustrated and overwhelmed in daily life. Both of these experiences detach me from the present moment. I live in the past or the future. I know I’m in trouble when I wake up in the morning and think, “what the hell am I doing all of this for?”

The goal of reaching for The Middle Way, knowing that in it lies the sweet melody of the perfectly tuned guitar strings, can be a helpful endeavour when we start to feel like we are sinking or being buried in our to-do list. Life cannot simply be about the attainment of worldly goals or even hedonistic retreat. If we find ourselves in that place, we can feel a bit like we are living a life without meaning and purpose.

My husband and I have been taking the next steps in our transition plan and put our house on the market. We plan to move to the east coast to be close to family. It’s the first time in almost 15 years that we have had control over the timeline under which we have to move. We’ve been wanting to be close to family for a decade now and have really needed them close for about five years. You would think that I would be excited and overjoyed as opposed to overwhelmed. But the stress reaction just doesn’t work that way. Whether positive or negative stress, the body interprets it in the same way. All of the habits needed to be resilient through negative stress are the same as for positive stressors such as this. Just look at how people react when they are planning a wedding. I’ve recently armed myself with a new agenda (The Passion Planner) and I can be a real danger to my own well-being if I focus on getting things done and forget about my planned and purposeful rest.

So when I vented my fatigue and frustration to a friend this weekend, she reminded me of some very wise advice that we give new mothers. When the baby sleeps - you sleep! So when there are no showings and no real good reason to move to the next item on my “ideal” to do list, then I will rest. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I've been disciplined in my goals and so laser focused that I've not taken a break in awhile, so I’m resting. I know that to come down from the level of stress that I’ve been through in the last couple of weeks and avoid a real anxiety spiral, I need to take time out for the things that fill me up. I need nourishing food, a good book, a yoga practice or two and perhaps a few Grey’s Anatomy reruns. After all, the path to serenity is all about learning when to take action and when to release.

For more reading on The Middle Way visit Jack Kornfield’s website here. He has some great material on not only this concept but that of mindfulness and meditation which I’ve found quite helpful.

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Wishing you all a serene and beautiful week,

xo Kat