It’s an extremely powerful thing, to no longer be afraid to stay where you are.
The only reason that I discovered the courage to stay was that I was forced into it. I could no longer ignore that niggle, that knowing. I’d been praying for this type of courage for many years. A torch handed to me from my mom. A spiritual connection that could not be broken.
She whispered to me over and over again, “stop running, stop seeking, you are enough“.
I didn’t believe her. I had to go find my greatness. I put forth my representative and wore my costumes and tried to be what I thought I should. Going where I thought it would be found.
“It’s not a place - it’s within you. You take it wherever you go but you are afraid to acknowledge it.”
“Reveal your gifts with pride and allow your inner wisdom and gifts to be your greatest accomplishment, it is nothing outside of you that will make you feel whole.”
As I was reading Writing down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, only two chapters in I might add, my soul whispered to me. “That’s it you know”. I agreed, “that’s it!”.
What I’ve been seeking has been here all along. I don’t need more to be who I am. More education, more stuff, more money, more of anything. I’ve been a writer my entire life!
I recall sitting by a waterfall, alone in the woods at the raw age of twelve. Having just lost my mother to a failure of the liver to withstand the poison of so much alcohol. I sat there, I cried, and I wrote. Ever so slowly, the words repaired my aching soul and I managed to get to my feet. Lonely still but able to carry on without her. Knowing that if I wanted to make the life that I dreamed of having, I would have to be strong enough to make it happen on my own. I would make her proud. I would make it up to the world for the both of us that mistakes were made and regrets were felt.
Somewhere along the way, the innocence and fearlessness of that little girl was lost in the need for acceptance and belonging. Without a tribe, without belonging, I began to search, to build armour and walls. Not to keep others out. But to keep myself out.
But it’s time to shed the armour. To lower the walls, to let authenticity shine.
It’s time to RISE!
To be childlike in my exploration of the world. To be creative ~ fearlessly creative. To learn, to teach, to connect, and to write. I have finally come home to my authentic self, and finally, remember that I have all that I need to live the life of my dreams.
I may not know the way entirely, but I will get on the path, allowing the road to be lit just a little more as I move along.
Magic works through you.
Believe in yourself.
It’s Time for Beginner’s Mind.
I now know that I’m no longer afraid to be where I am, or more importantly, who I am!
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