When you decide to become a mom, you imagine yourself as the perfect parent. One who will nail those Pinterest challenges, never yell at your kids in public, never let them eat sugar or play on the iPad too long or learn their language skills from Sesame Street as I'm pretty sure I did as a child.
The moment that I held my first child in my arms was one of the three most amazing days of my life. The first was marrying my best friend and the other, was the day that the twins were born. We have had a gazillion smiles and giggles and wonderful times. There are moments when I look at those beautiful little souls and wonder how I could have been so blessed. They say something adorable and I'm so proud that they are mine!
But then there are also those other times. The times that not many of us post on social media because it's a bit more messy. We wouldn't want someone walking by to hear us yelling, let alone admit it to the world of internet in all of it's permanent glory!
Sometimes I just reach my limit - and I know that you do too! It's ok, it can be our little secret. I won't tell anyone. But I do promise to be there with a shoulder to cry on or to bring you coffee (and I don't care how messy your mommy self looks or how terrible your house is). When you're trying to keep everything together. I will be there. I see you and I share your pain and frustration. When you’re trying like hell to be positive, strong and supportive to everyone around you - and you keep telling yourself that as soon as they are in bed, you will finally get some rest, I know how you feel.
I thought of you, dear momma, the last time I reached that point. And I want you to know that I see you. I know what you’re going through! In fact we all do!
I see you as you feed all through the night, lonely in the darkness and barely able to keep it together without crying in exhaustion.
I see you as you walk the block a thousand times because even though you're not resting, he is finally napping.
I see you as they wake in the night with a terrible nightmare again for the third night in a row and you try to comfort them enough for everyone to go back to sleep.
I see you as you are scrambling in the morning to try to get everyone in the car - mad chaos as a simple task like getting socks on little feet feels like a massive accomplishment!
I see you as you sweat in anguish as you realize that you forgot to put snow pants in the dryer last night and they are still dripping. Wondering “why the hell do they have to play outside in the slush anyway!?”
I see you as you realize that you will have to skip your coffee run, having promised yourself that one luxury to get you out of bed to face another day.
I see you as they cry and you bend down to try to figure what is wrong. Running late for the next event in your day. But taking the time to console her broken heart.
I see you as your supper is going cold, having to clean up a broken dish off the frigid ceramic floor. Eating alone thereafter because they’ve finished and are now ready to play!
I see you as you fight to get them into pyjamas after a long day, begging for just five more minutes to play.
I see you!
And if you're wondering if your life will ever feel normal again or if you're a "good mom" because you're life just feels like a scrambled mess - I just want you to know that the answer is YES! You are doing an AMAZING job momma! Look at those little smiles and listen to those giggles. Sometimes finding serenity isn't about having it all together and soaking in that moment. Sometimes, oftentimes, it's about knowing that it's ok to not feel ok! Tomorrow will be a brighter day! You need to take time for you when you can. Get a recharge on those batteries. Know that we are here for you and you are a wonderful mother!
~ Namaste
And when they are older they are independent in sooo many ways and busy living their lives and you think do they even realize there is always toilet paper and Kleenex, do they notice their laundry is helped along and that the fridge and freezer is full of food ( and sometimes specifically a favourite food cause you know they smile when they see it!) do they even notice? Do they care that your not doing your favourite thing because your driving them to theirs or being their fan. They roll their eyes when you tell them again get off your device or at least don’t sit like that because we know what it’s doing to their posture.
Thank you…