Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve been spending a great deal of time planning for the next few months as we have quite a huge transition coming up. My husband and I are going to be transitioning out of our military careers and are planning to go back to school. This transition will mean another move for the Paquin cubs but the last one for the rest of their childhoods if I can help it! There are a great deal of unknowns as we plan for the future so I’m nervous but I’m also excited about what the future may hold for us, especially because we will be moving closer to family for the support and connection that we so deeply crave.
On top of transition planning/prepping, we’ve had a ton of medical appointments. Just when I think that we’re good to go, we end up with another one of us needing some sort of specialty referral or procedure. It doesn’t feel like it ends and if I look at it all at once, it could get overwhelming.
So what does this have to do with my trip to Costa Rica? Well, what that trip taught me is that no matter what you have to face and deal with, you can always choose to put one foot in front of the other and live in the present moment as opposed to in the future where all of your fears live.
As you may know, I study Buddhism quite a bit as both that and yoga philosophy provide me a great deal of comfort and methods of copying with my anxiety. In Buddhism, they teach that suffering is an unavoidable part of the human condition. We are never going to be absolutely free from suffering or problems and in fact, if we strive to be, we are going to add misery by attempting to grasp at happiness or numbing our pain with addictions in all forms.
So avoiding suffering, pain and fear is not the point of a life of personal growth or a spiritual journey. You'll drive yourself crazy if you expect that it will bring you to a point of living a happy life free from these human afflictions. The point is to bring yourself closer and closer to being able to process external events for what they are and then letting them go. They may trip you up. you may stumble for a bit. But then you get back to basics. Practice self-care. Breathe through it and then you’re able to let go and live life in a state of serenity or even elation for having been able to get through the tough time or overcome your fears. Shit happens, and then you come out the other side and you realize that you survived! You can make meaning from what you’ve overcome and from that, the real personal growth happens. Making meaning from your suffering and learning to manage in such a way that you don't continue to spiral or rely on your addictions (food, shopping, substances) to numb the pain. Because when you numb the pain, you numb the good stuff too! I recently heard a wonderful quote that said that “experience is the greatest teacher” and oh how this is true!
While I was in Costa Rica, I was offered the opportunity to go on a few excursions that sounded absolutely amazing. The two that appealed to me the most were a visit to Manuel Antonio National Park and a hike through Rainmaker. When I really thought about hiking through the jungle or swimming in the ocean, I didn't believe that there was any way that I would be able to bring myself to do it. I signed up in spite of my fear because in my mind, I had not travelled all the way to Costa Rica to miss out on it’s most wonderful treasures due to fear and anxiety.
Rainmaker is a conservation area in the raw jungle with poisonous things around any corner. Manuel Antonio Park included a guided tour through a park near the beach, followed by a swim in the ocean.
As you can see from the photos! I did it. I went on both of these excursions in spite of the fact that I was terrified. I hiked through the jungle. I saw a poisonous dark frog with my own eyes. Walked past the very spot where a tarantula lay dormant in their nest. I swam in a waterfall in the jungle! I walked across rope bridges suspended in the jungle! I saw a sloth and sat near an iguana hanging out in a tree. And you know what? I survived! We as human beings feel fear for quite a valid reason. For our survival. But I have lived the last couple of years with extreme anxiety and panic attacks, and pushing past that fear and doing something I've dreamt of doing for years feels quite empowering. I'm not even sure that empowering is a big enough word!
How did I do it? How have I managed to go from absolutely anxiety ridden and nauseatingly fearful to being able to go on adventures like this? By doing the work to heal and by just choosing to put one foot in front of the other and live in spite of my fear. I endeavour to live in the now more than I ever have in my life. I try not to worry about all of the worst case scenarios because even walking down the street in your own neighbourhood could present danger. And what is the point of living if we don't get to experience all of the beauty that living in this world has to offer? Just one small step on the path. Just one step at a time in the direction that I know I want to go in. That's how I overcome anxiety. That's how I find courage.
If you've overcome your fears and done something amazing in your life that fear would have otherwise prevented you from experiencing but you pushed through, we'd love to hear about it! Comment below or head on over to my Facebook page or Instagram to tell me all about it!
Until next time, wishing you serenity!
xo Kat
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