There is only one time in my life when I actually managed to dance like no one was watching. I have always loved to dance. When I was a teenager, I was a cheerleader for Saint John High School and we got to prepare dances as part of our routines on a regular basis. I have always looked back on those days with fondness, and not for the reason that you may think. I have never in my life felt like I really fit in, even when I was "popular". When I was on stage performing or on the field at half time, time would stand still and sometimes disappear altogether. I knew there were people watching, but I was so focused on the second or two that would follow that it felt as though there wasn't. Talk about living in the present moment. Talk about living in joy.
That was high school though. And let’s face it, we can’t all live our lives permanently as as a teenager. But we can certainly bathe in moments of joy just like the ones we had as a child. What is calling you? Where is your joy in the present moment. For me, it’s dancing.
There were a couple other moments after my teenage years when I truly and completely felt as though I was dancing as though no one was watching. The first was on a trip to Mexico with Sue. The amazing woman that I would later refer to as my adoptive Mother. We decided one night during a trip to Mexico that we would go to a bar and dance. It seems a bit crazy now looking back because I think she knew that she would not be joining me in the dancing.
As I twirled and spun around the dance floor completely alone, I lost myself and all sense of time and space. Knowing me well, she assumed that I would want a partner to dance with. But when she brought this unknowing gentleman to meet me, I told him that she meant well but that I was happy alone. I had tapped into what that could feel like and I didn’t want to let it go even for one second. There could have been anything on that floor and I giggle a bit now as this current version of me would be mortified, but I even took my shoes off! I craved a connection to the earth even then. Those were the days when I would even lay on the ground with a few in me to just gaze at the stars. A couple of drinks was the only way I knew how to connect with the joy of it.
Now though, I try very hard to connect with that joy in moments that I'm not drinking anything. I want to feel the intoxication of the moment itself. When joy is so intense that it feels as though it is going to burst out of your chest. You tingle, you lost track of time and tears that are not of sadness fill your eyes. You're here, now, in the moment and you're filled with joy.
Last week I told you about my new studio that I built with my Dad. In it, we used knotted pine boards for the ceiling. I had to stain close to a hundred boards. I had some help but it was quite the process. The project was a dream come true but staining that many boards with two coats of stain can still get a bit tedious. Instead of allowing monotony set it, I put in some music. Then suddenly, the music was flowing through me and joy set in. I was dancing around my studio like no one was watching.
Need a little extra joy this week to find your serenity? Trying dancing like no one is watching.
Until next time,
xo Kat
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